I recently shared with you that I’d met an incredible guy and we’d been dating for three weeks. In many ways it had been moving relatively quickly, but at the same time we went days at a time without seeing each other due to his travel schedule. I was over the moon that I’d found someone so on my level, with the same sense of humour, who thought I was the cutest thing he’d ever seen and regularly reminded me so. He was smart, ambitious, honest, attentive and incredibly generous. He met some of my friends and spoke about the future. We were in constant contact. And then three weeks in, on the eve of my birthday weekend (hi 35!!) he was gone. I’d been ghosted.
I caught up with a good friend recently who I hadn’t seen in a couple of years; she’s just moved home from London, however our friendship has been maintained by social media -- as most modern millennial friendships go. After exchanging pleasantries, settling into her beanbag and handing me my decaf coffee, she tilted her head and asked “so how are you finding being 34 and single with no kids?”
I finally did it. I quit my job. Two months ago.
I’ve delayed shouting it from the rooftops because I’ve been going through my internal process, and to be honest, for the past few weeks I haven’t really felt like being vocal. I find it really easy to write about the uncomfortable stuff, but when I’m really happy and things are going great I find it much harder. Call it tall poppy syndrome or reverse narcissism or whatever you like -- it's odd.
In March last year I started my health coaching certification through the Institute for Integrative Nutrition so have spent the better part of a year immersed in health and wellness, which you all know I am completely passionate about but it can get a little overwhelming, trying to keep up with the latest and greatest.
On August 18th I declared I wasn't going to be drinking til the end of the year. It wasn't that my drinking was in any way out of hand - in fact it was aggressively the opposite - but I knew that drinking didn't fit into the overall vision I had for myself and what I wanted to achieve in the last months of 2017.
A couple of weeks ago I shared on Instagram that the wheels had well and truly fallen off. I was feeling anxious, depleted, lacking motivation and all kinds of emotional. If you didn’t catch it or you've always wondered what I look like when I cry, here it is.
I’ve spent the past couple of weeks quietly trying to make sense of what this lingering feeling means. Because, that’s what we do in the personal development space; we can’t just let feelings exist without rigorous curiosity. And the more I talk to women around me I’m discovering I’m not alone. I can reflect on it now because I feel like I'm coming out the other side.
A week ago it was the mid-winter party for the media agency I work for. It's an event I put together each year, and is a great chance to celebrate the achievements of the half-year, and toast to the year ahead - over free-flowing alcohol and white, deep fried food. Not exactly the diet of an aspiring holistic health coach, but alas, balance and all that.
THIS PAST WEEKEND I SPENT AT FESTIVAL FOR THE FUTURE (festivalforthefuture.org.nz), an incredible weekend event here in Auckland full of inspirational speakers, panels and workshops that help build ideas and skills to support the future, and inspire change across areas such as sustainability, race relations, technology, and innovation. Inspiring shit.